Slutty Sisters

a: have you been to cb2.com?
marimekko badding...

p: noooo?

a: GO! NOW!

p: i'm there

a: crate and barrel's cheaper, sluttier sister...
but still classy

p: ooo
do like the slutty sisters

a: yeah...it's easier to pay for what you get...

p: ...
sluts are rad!

Hookers are Cool

p: npz

a: wow...is it sad that i knew that you were saying there even though i've never seen that chat acronym before...
or whatever they're called

p: lol
no
what's sadder is one time i was talking to some girl and she wrote something like
'asldkfsffj'
and i was like
'away sorry lying down kinda... etc'

a: omg...

p: yea
she was like
...
you've been online for too long

a: haha
no kidding

p: and i was like
SHUTTUP I'M COOL

a: you are paul....you are cool....

p: that's what I pay the hookers to tell me

Sephora Salesman

p: i once was working at sephora
and this girl came in and i showed her the edible body glitter
she didn't believe me
but when i showed her it tasted like sugar, she was amazed
then...
i showed her the edible eye glitter
and she promptly ate it
however, it was not edible
and her tongue was covered with glitter
and it was way funny

a: omg

p: it was a friend though
so, it was kinda alright

a: your the worst salesman ever...
im never buying cosmetics from you cause im sure you will convince me, somehow, to eat it....
and i will fall for your ploy

p: because
...
i am evil
DUN DUN DUNnnnn

a: yes, very.

Eat Your Bath Products

p: so, i'm only buying origins facial products now
and i realized
"am i rich now"
i'm not really
but i figure buying stuff from there qualifies
but only facial products
...i still buy dove bar soap.

a: hahahaha
omg, my family and i were just talking about origins stuff on xmas....

p: lol
SOO expensive
and the facial wash burns your eyesssss

a: yeah, that and aveda....but i totally love aveda stuff...

p: i was freaking out and crying and shit
marianne couldn't stop laughing
yeaaaaa
a: I can't stop laughing
haha
hahahhahha
i can just picture you...
lol
frickin hilarious

p: yeaaa
it's like getting maced
but i did it to myself
it kinda sucked
...
but yea
i'm all about origins
even though it does blind me from time to time

a: i use this organic pineapple enzyme stuff and it does the same thing...and it tastes like soap that's been around for a million years mixed with vodka....it burns your tounge....
but it works
AND APPARENTLY....it's all natural

p: wait
why do you eat it
i thought it would taste like pineapple

a: i dont
...
it just got in my mouth...
on accident...
...
well, why do you mace yourself?
hm?
hm?
hmmmmm?

p: what really happened is that you sat down one sunday morning and decided to finally spread it on a bagel and chow down after smelling it's delicious smells all week.
it didn't turn out quite as good as you had hoped

a: right...damn...how dd you know..

p: i'm smrt

a: yeah, i like to experiment with my bath products...
mix em in drinks...
eat them, snort them...
bake them...
you know, the usual...

p: same with body butter
it's butter

a: haha
yeah
every morning....on my face and on my toast

My Dog's on LOST

p: are you at home home, or at your home

a: at MY home

p: oooo
sitting on the couch
under a blanket
furiously waiting for lost
to begin
jan
5th

a: AH!
thats my dog's 14th birthday!

p: lol
YOUR DOG IS SAWYER

a: hahahah
no...COMET
he'd die on the Island...of heat stroke...
he's a husky...
but then again...

p: i lub huskies
polar bears

a: he may fit in because of that....why would a husky be on an island?

p: your dog is one of the oceanic 6
...
my eye is itchy.

talking computer

a: well my computer talked to me today
i thought i was going crazy

like crazy cat lady where her cats talk to her

p: figment of your imagination again?

a: no...i accidentally hit apple+F5
that makes the comp dictate everything you do

p: whoa
what is that?

a: it's for the blind or something...
which seems weird to me

p: oh yea!

a: and you can change the voices too

p: blind people shouldn't use computers

...

lol
that was really mean

a: that was really mean...

p: yea
i had a witty line that went with it
then i was like
no
not really
that was just a terrible lie

kiera knightly's boobs

a: i hate kiera
angry

p: BANANAAAA

did you hear that she mini-protested the advertising of one of her movies cuz they wanted to make her boobs look bigger?

a: yeah
i saw that

p:boooobs

a:yeah, whatev...she could use some

p: lol
me too!

a: eww...paul......no

p: like huge boobs
i have the frame

a: you do not have a vagina...ergo you should NOT have boobs.....especially big ones....cause you'd fall right over

xbox

p: i just dropped 7400 on a new place today.

a: whoa
intense

p: that's more money than i've ever known.

a: wowie
how do you feel?

p:lol
empty
sad
xboxless

a: xboxless?

p: one day i'll have one

a: did you have to sell it?

p: no, not really

a: oh...

p: i don't really play videogames

panda express

p: I feel like a fortune cookie writer

a: you are very good wise one....i shall now eat your chinese food...
get..it? fortune cookie? I'm so funny....

p: go forth and eat panda express

it's popular

p: it's that asian persuasion that people keep talking about

a: yes yes
i hear it's popular

drug test

p: i get to take a drug test soon!

a: i did that b 4 i got hired
no biggie

p: hoorah!

a: in n out

p: yea, i just thought it was funny
because i could be a crack addicted former clown prostitute if i wanted to freelance
but once i need benefits, i have to take a drug test

a: right, of course

meat corruptor

p: errrrr
so
yesterday
my cousin and my friend were in town
and they wanted the "nyc" experience
so i took them to grey's papaya and white castle

a: mmmmmm

p: btw
my cousin is vegetarian

a: HAHHAH
hot dogs and sliders huh?
how'd she do?

p: it was hilarious
in 10 min she had 3 kinds of meat
i felt like the devil
and it was awesome

a: haha meat CORRUPTOR!!!

p: i know rite?!
it felt all to easy
like, i had done it before
...

a: in your past life....
...the veggie devil reincarnated

p: i was thinking more like back to the future
where my future self came back
and did that
and now i'm reliving the moment or something

GREAT SCOTT

a: why would your future self do that?
DOC brown?

p: maybe she becomes like some kinda veggie hitler and in the future it's all sad and meatless and i had to go back in time to prevent it
kinda like the terminator too

a: hmmm
thats way more bad ass then
totally down with meat corruption...

doomed

a: happy friday, we're all being hunted by robots

j: time to write our wills
shit and I thought i'd do that on Sunday.....
time to move it up my to-do list
the robots are coming
creepily

blah

old people

j: OMG i wish you could hear the conversation these old ladies are having near me about how one of their mom's got some pajamas that are called "old lady pajamas" and how they have big saggy boobs in front and a saggy butt in the back

lol

...and they're all chuckling away and they're all old.

sooo awesome.

eclairs

j: I will eat eclairs through you using osmosis

a: okay...may be safer too

batman

p: apparently i do a great batman impression

a: what?
how does that work?

p: well
i say
"I'm batman"
while pretending i have emphysema

and i'm gold

a: umm.....okaaaaaay.....
i dont get it

....oh, like in a raspy, deep, grumbly voice?

p: it sounds like a grizzly incoherent coughing "imbatmannnn"
yea
i should make a sound clip later

a: got it, it all makes perfect sense

yogurt raisins

p: mmm yogurt covered raisins

a: ewww
i hate those

p: SHUT YOUR FACEEEEEEeee........so good

a: you shut your face and spit out those EVIL yogurt raisins!!

p: nughhhhh

total geeks

a: i think m gonna start making a blog out of our conversations
some of them, are kinda funny
like this one

p: lol
i was thinking the same
but just a blog
about all the things i'm learning about real life that no one will read

a: lol
nice
i'll read it

p: hoorah!


....

o man
gmail was down for me for like
10 min
and i freaked.

a: haha
get over it

p: i was like
NOOOOOoooooo
and i literally stopped doing anything
for like
2 min

a: haha

p: but i was also eating

a: wow
thats bad

p: yea
i was paralyzed by technology
i wish i had two screens

a: haha
oh no paul

p: yea
two screens would be incredible
no more hot corners and flying things around

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME

a: yeah

kitten kaboodle

p: there's these kitties that play on the street in front of my apt
and i thought they were strays

a: awww

p: so i bought them some kitten kaboodle
and then they ate it
end of story

dreams....

a: must..stay....a..wa...k.....e....

p: nooo
give innnn

a: otherwise i'll start dreaming of clipping paths

p: i hate nerdy design dreammsss

a: i know
i had a nightmare last night that i flew out of the back of a truck and was slammed thru some
particle board and landed against the side of another truck....

...in my dream a was REAL fucked up...my jaw popped outta socket, my hip broke, and i was swollen all down my right side...
and the dr. came and popped my jaw back in and i started screaming, then i woke up.....

weird....

i hope my dreams aren't prophetic

p: ...
dreams about some kinda harm to your body usually means stress

a: really?
hmmm
...interesting...

p: yea

and to some lesser extent, body image
last year i used to have dreams about my teeth falling out
all the time

a: omg

p: yea

a: is it even weirder that the truck i flew out of...my dad was driving..

p: yea, darwin (i think he meant freud) would have a field day with you

actually, he'd probably just say, "ah you want to do your dad"

but anyways, that's kinda weird

.....


p: I dreamt that I was cuddling with a white tiger that had red and purple dots


...i don't know what that means....

a: I have no idea where to even start with that....