Mattress Porn

a: the guy that delivered the mattress smelled like stale cigars and a night after drinking...mixed with B.O....mixed with unwashed hair
ew
eau de sleepcountry

p: wow
sounds like the beginning of a porno
http://www.paul-lau.com/blog/images/robopaul.png

a: yesssss

p: "you smell"
"i know rite"
bow chica wow wow

a: haha
'wanna test out this mattress i just brought you?'

p: chicka chowww

a: 'i'll give you the red carpet delivery service....'
'if you'll just sign right here....'
'and initial here...'
....'we'll be on our way.'

4yr Olds

a: yeah
it's funny
I wanna do it

p: NO YOU DON'T

a: yes....yes
i dooooo

p: NUH UHHHH

a: shut uuuup yaaah huhuhhhhh

p: NYUHHHH UHHHH

a: I love that we're having a 4-yr-old fight over IM

p: no you smell

a: shut up zebra butt

p: COOTIEESS

a: fart lips

p: stinky knees

a: poopy arms

p: boys have penis's, girls have faginaz

a: god your smrt

Totally Inappropriate

*mind you, paul, damien, and myself are all at work...

a: damien says that if we take his hand, he'll take your foot

p: if we take both of his hands, he won't be able to take our feet
cuz he won't be able to
sudden win

a: he says he doesn't have a girlfriend so that'd be mean to take away his hands...
hahahaha

p: there's always autofelation
i know he's been practicin

....i have no idea where this stuff comes from

a: he said he didn't start taking yoga for nothing

p: all it takes is 2 good years of practice, then he'll be golden/homeless
i hear autofelation consumes
beware

a: damien: 'hmmm.....i just got over my stuffed animal thing...'

p: stuffed animals, while fun for kids, when ingested the wrong way it sends the user into a depressed euphoria
the addiction is tiresome, that's why stuffed animals anonymous was there
i'm glad he was able to attend our monday night sessions
....he always brought the most delicious scones

a: wow, this is tiring

Box Office Someting

p: we should have a stand up routine
where we're at work and we chat online

a: where only we think we're funny

p: yea
and we'll sell piles of tickets

a: and be box office gold! or even onyx!

p: GOLD WRAPPED IN DIAMONDS FRIED IN ONYX SERVED ATOP 14 BABIES

a: now THAT was box office gold-wrapped-in-diamonds-fried-in-onyx-served-atop-14-babies worthy....

Pasta/Pizza...

p: when you said pizza/pasta
i thought
http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/post/114890270/dominos-three-cheese-mac-n-cheese-pasta-bread
YESSSSS

a: bllaaaahhhhh

oh man...I feel my cellulite growing just looking at that site

p: lol
i feel my brain collapsing

a: i feel my feet imploding into my ankles

p: i feel my nipples inverting

a: i feel hair growing in my mouth...
...and then french braiding my tongue

p: i feel my knees imploding upwards into my chest
and my heart strangling itself

a: i feel my ears turning into bacon

p: i feel my eyes eating away at my mouth

a: i feel my toenails turning into potato chips...
...and then eating them

p: i feel my elbows combusting into a fiery phoenix, rising from the ashes of the husk that once was me, now left a puddle of lard

a: you win.

Hate Package

p: my co-workers said that it's the opposite of a care package, since it's so late
it's a hate package

a: haha
well, thats fine with me

p: lol
well, i didn't get confirmation/insurance on it, so if it get's lost... fuckkkk

a: i'll send you a bloody hand and we'll be even

p: lol
i hope it's not your bloody hand
....maybe damien

a: yeah, it'll most definitely be Damien's.

word association

a: you are missing out on one of the key essentials in life

p: boobs

a: vagina?
word associataion?

banana
...
???

p: you are missing out on one of the key essentials in life: Boobs

a: no...now i wanna play word association....

p: lol

a: cottage cheese

p: big head

a: balloon

p: boobs

a: bra

p: mission impossible

a: explosion

p: T-Pain's Career

a: the worst circus ever...
one where you demand your $ back
...
that was more then one word
sorry

p: lol
it's cool, i've been doing 2

a: 2 what?

p: (2words)

a: um
ah

p: swimming

a: okay...start over
good
uh...

...bacterial infection

p: sluts

a: crate and barrel

p: needlessly pricey

a: hookers

p: damien

a: hellbound

p: motorcycle

a: jump

p: bonanza

a: furniture sale

p: sluts
and
pricey

a: and we're back to square one...